True love (PART-1)

Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom lived a smart and handsome prince. He was brave, courageous, humble, and kind and had all the qualities to be the rightful heir to the kingdom. Somewhere in the deep woods, in a small cottage, lived a sweet, beautiful young woman who, too, was brave, kind, humble and had all the qualities to become a princess. But she wasn't a princess; she was a young woman, just a beautiful young woman born to a peasant.

Now, our Prince Charming is looking for a suitable bride he can love for eternity. He arranges a ball at his castle and invites all the young women to the ball dance.

As they say, destiny brings you together if you are meant to be; they both meet at the ball and fall in love, aww…how sweet that could be☺️. Bells ring, and hearts flutter, and why not? It's love at first sight, you see !!

The universe then sends a couple of hurdles to test their love. They both emerge successful, proving their love to be true. They exchange a true love’s kiss and live happily ever after….Wait what?? How do you know they lived happily ever after? Has anybody seen anyone’s kids or how they are spending their married life or tackling the issues every couple encounters after getting married? No…then how can one say they even got a happily ever after?? Just because they passed a few tests to prove their love before they got married doesn't mean they never encountered any problems after marriage, right??

Today, rather than happily ever afters, we observe hundreds of happily divorced. What could be the problem if, even after going through the testing period(for some, there is), couples quickly end their marriages? Hmmm.. Don't you think so? It's time we got to the bottom of this flaring issue. So, let's delve deeper to see where the problem lies, the causes, and what remedy can be given to help couples reflect on the issues and manoeuvre accordingly. This article has been born purely out of observation and my personal experiences. So kindly take only what resonates with your path and leave the rest. Thank you!!

So what do you think? Does looking at each other for the first time and feeling your heart flutter or hearing bells ring mean you have met your true love? How exactly do you feel when you are genuinely in love? For every person, it can be different. For some, it can be physical attraction; for some, it can be intellectual; and for some, it can be emotional. First, I will explain how it works for me and then explain it elaborately in the remedy section. For me, intellectual intimacy comes first, then comes emotional intimacy, and then it’s physical. I need to connect with you on an intellectual level. It’s about your thoughts and who you are as a person. I need to hear your thoughts. We need to converse a lot. If the person passes the intellectual test, then comes emotional intimacy.

For me, when you start liking a person as a human being, You feel like befriending that person. We have several friends, but we only choose one as a partner. So what is that specific thing that triggers that love emotion and separates that particular person from others? It’s different for everyone, right? When you find that one magical thing that separates your partner from others, that's…the moment you feel like embarking on the journey of togetherness. Finally, the physical level happens when you choose a person as your partner in marriage. So, in a nutshell, if I like the gentleman( that’s the intellectual level)in you, I will befriend you. If I like you as a friend(that’s the emotional level) and want to convert that friendship into a love relationship, only then will I embrace the third level which is physical intimacy. For me, he is going to be my best…friend. This is my perspective. Let me explain to you what I observed about others. Generally, for many, not pulling out a specific gender as such (but it is mostly men), there is no such level of intimacy. It’s directly physical intimacy. After knowing about the words ‘soulmate’ and ‘true love,’ everybody wants it in their lives, but nobody wants to make an effort or walk the path that will lead them toward their true love. I want to ask those who are unmarried, especially women, what True Love is. And how do you attract it?

            We are always shown in fairy tales that a handsome prince comes to rescue a damsel in distress. He rescues her, and they both fall in love. Eventually, they get married and live happily ever after. In reality, is it that easy? So my question is, Why do you want to be the "damsel in distress" who expects someone else to rescue you from your problems? In fairy tales, a physical rescue is shown. But in the real world, it could be the emotional or psychological issues a person faces daily. If you are having emotional problems, you must fight them alone. Why do you need someone else to step in? Getting help in the form of advice and suggestions from family and friends is absolutely fine, but ultimately, it's you who has to make the final decision. If you aren’t emotionally strong and capable, you will attract a person who isn’t emotionally strong either. Why can’t You get up, work on your issues and attract him rather than play the victim card or wait for him to show up? Girls… there is no true love or true love kisses waiting for you in your life. It’s not something lying around on the streets that you can easily find. True love is earned. You have to make an effort in your life if you want to have it. It’s a rare thing you see!! It takes lots and lots of effort on your part to find it. But then, if you work on yourselves, I promise you will attract it 😊.

The first point to work on is to “Stop chasing someone. If you like someone, stop pushing him into liking you. It’s unnecessary that if you have fallen for him, he has to fall for you too.

The second point is to “Focus on yourself.” Get to know your needs and wants. ‘You’ need to know your needs and wants first. Then only you can make your partner see it.

If you don’t create a space for your needs and wants first, you will keep doing things for others out of duty and not out of love by sabotaging your needs. It will always be half-hearted.

The third point is to “Check the Intention” of your would-be partner or any other person you correspond with.  There is so much to write on this point. Let me see, hmm.. There are countless people out there who aren’t doing things with the right intentions. So, let me start by explaining two classic examples.

Example number 1: On a professional level

        Let's say A is a man, and B is a woman. A is offering a role to B in his movie, and B is happy to accept the role. Now, the problem is that the role offered to B by A is not through the right intention. How ?? Let's see. So what happens is that a person named C is not a friend of A or B. Rather, they both dislike C . C speaks something bad about B. A’s ego gets a boost. A deliberately offers B a role in his movie to teach C a lesson. Now, my question to A. Did you offer the role to B because she really deserved that role, or did you offer it because it boosted your ego?  Would you still have offered the role to B if someone from your family or friends had said something terrible about B? This is where the intention check needs to happen. B, too, needs to check if she has been offered the role out of good, healthy intentions or just out of plain sheer ego. She shouldn’t accept such offers that aren’t coming from a place of high vibration. And still, if she jumps on the bandwagon, she will only be helping A boost his ego and hers too because C spoke badly about her.  See, the universe will present such scenarios to test your character, integrity and what kind of a human being you are moulding yourself into. Please introspect !!

Example number 2: On a personal level :

Point number 1: In 2012, I enrolled Panna in a Marathi school near Vancouver. It was run by a Marathi woman who used to teach the Marathi written language, some shlokas and songs. Panna must have attended the school for a year. After a year or so, one day, she came home complaining, “Aai, our teacher, has changed the dismissal timings for a few students. Now that she leaves me early, I cannot play with my friends who get to stay”. I texted the woman, who was a good acquaintance of mine, asking the reason for Panna’s early dismissal. I explained how Panna misses the playtime, which she used to enjoy at the end of her classes. Now that she is dismissed earlier, Mandar picks her up and brings her home. Earlier, she used to play for a while with her friends, which she doesn't get to do anymore. I added that our kids don't get to mingle and play with the kids from our community. They will be learning English automatically in their regular school but won't get a chance to learn their mother tongue. So, interacting more with the kids from our community will help them understand our mother tongue in a better way. I also tried to make her understand that it's not just the studies the kids look up to but also the playtime they are interested in. So now that Pannu doesn't get that playtime, she no longer enjoys her studies. I was trying to make her see what a 2nd grader wants, and that's playtime along with studies.

After a lengthy explanation, all I heard from her was a rude reply saying, “I have totally not understood the concept of the school, and If I want to discontinue her from the school, I may do so. Why was I unnecessarily beating around the bush by giving this explanation”. I was like, my god, how rude!! Guys…What do you think?? Our kids go to school just to study? No… they also go to enjoy that recess time where they get to socialize, mingle and play with the kids their age. A woman who was a mother of 2 girls could not understand such a small thing. Tell me what must have made her reply so rudely? After thinking deeply, the answer I got was “intention problem.” It was not a woman or a mother who replied rudely. It was an egoistic and arrogant businesswoman running a Marathi school dying to boast her position. If she had sensibly tried to listen to what I was trying to convey, from a mother's perspective, she would not have reacted in this way. Because only a mother can understand a kid's needs and wants😊. A person whose real intention is not to impart knowledge or who doesn't know how to take care of their student's emotional, psychological and social needs but possesses a boastful business mindset of running an educational institution can never be a good teacher🙏. It was so easy and convenient for her to say, “Let's agree to disagree,” than to understand my 2nd-grader daughter’s emotional, psychological and social needs. I had to withdraw Pannu from the Marathi school where she was not eager to go and learn and also because I didn't believe in sending her to learn from someone who was either too busy, arrogant or lost to understand how and in what way the education should be imparted.

Point number 2: Let's say a man named X has fallen in love with a woman called Y. But the intention with which he has fallen is not healthy. Now you will ask me. How can someone fall in love with an unhealthy intention?? How can there be an issue of intention?? When you are in love, you are in love, right ?? Then please explain why so many heartbreaks are happening. Why are divorces increasing at an alarming rate? You guys were once in love, right?? Then why hasn't your love been able to keep your relationship afloat? Why did you allow it to drown in the deep rivers of misunderstanding, insecurities, jealousy and whatnot? Was your love that weak and unstable to survive the storms sent by the universe to test your relationship?? Kahi kuch toh galat ho raha hain boss!! Something seriously feels off.

For some, the reason is disrespect, sex issues, infidelity, or family issues. The reasons are endless. I honestly think one of the crucial reasons completely ignored is “Intention.”

Today, people are not entering a relationship with pure, healthy intentions. Some want a relationship because others are having it. They get jealous. They are like, “I also want it.” Ya, why not?? Jump on the bandwagon🙄. Some are marrying because their parents are forcing them to get married. Some are marrying because their old grandparents are on a deathbed. That's why they are making decisions hastily. Some because they are of marriage age. Some cannot wait to have sex, while some are alone. Has anybody (including the couple) bothered to see if the couple getting married is truly in love or are just coming together for the sake of society or their family?? Please think!!! Are the above reasons appropriate for being in a relationship? Every single relationship, if it's not formed out of pure, true love, is bound to collapse once the honeymoon period is over. Ya, but who cares? Women get busy with their kids, and men go in search of greener pastures, don't they?? There are so many couples claiming to be with their soulmates but are still taking drugs, vaping, smoking or on the path to divorce. How is this a soulmate relationship? Why do you feel the need to surrender to such habits that are detrimental to your health? Why the need to always feel high? That means you are scared to be in the real world. See, When you are with the right partner, you don't feel the need to cling to such unhealthy habits. Friends… True love heals you from the inside out!!!! Your whole body feels rejuvenated. It heals you to the core. True love uplifts you. I don't know why, but many are faking their relationships either for the sake of their kids or society. They are ruining their lives because now they are married to each other due to wrong intentions.

For heaven's sake, please check the intention of the person interested in forming a relationship with you, may it be any relationship.

Ask why do you want me. Especially, empaths and lightworkers, please be very careful when choosing your life partner. See, people will be attracted to you because of your energy. They feel it motherly and hence connect it with love. If anybody approaches you with love.

First, Ask Why?? Is it my energy you are attracted to or me? Understand, after all, it’s energy and will get stale at one point. If you are forming a relationship because somebody is attracted to your energy, then be warned… once the energy gets stale, the relationship also ends.

Second, Ask Why?? Do you want me because you love me, or is it because I am a lightworker or a social reformer, and that's why you want to connect with me because it's for a social cause???. No…. this can never be a healthy intention.

Point number 3: (This is a big one and needs to be properly addressed)

Today, I would love to share my personal experience with you. Somewhere in 2018, I joined Smule. For the unversed, it's a platform where you can sing songs. I must have sung umm..around 100 songs. Some were solo, but many were in collaboration with other singers since they were duet songs. Now, the men(not all, but a few) I was collaborating with were falling in love with me. I don't know if it was my voice or my energy. Few were trying to flirt; few showed how they had fallen for me. They all were of Indian origin and very well settled. One was a doctor from Mumbai, one was a software engineer from the UK, and one was a teacher from Thailand. Some sent me sindoor songs like “Chutki bar sindoor se meri maang ab tum bharlo”. And when I didn't sing the song, maybe because it didn't turn out to be good when I practised it or simply because I didn't feel like singing, they showed their displeasure by hurting me either through words or by giving me a silent treatment. What kind of childish behaviour is this? Was I obliged to sing them because you wanted to fantasize about us being married, and that's why sent such songs in my messages?

Please understand that singing every song you expected me to collaborate was practically impossible. And all these people were in the age group of 35 to 45. Who says maturity comes with age? Please Grow up, guys!! See, my sense of knowing and feeling is stronger, and that's how I come to know who has fallen for me. I can understand someone’s body language very well and pick up on their thoughts, too. I seriously don't have a habit of assuming things. Another guy I ignored showed his anger(this was how they were interacting with me- through songs) by singing, “Tuzhe bin Jane, bin pehechane Maine tuzse dil Lagaya”( without knowing you, I fell in love with you). I mean, what are you trying to say? Are you even hearing what you are saying? Did I tell you to fall in love without knowing me? Then?? Just because you fell in love, should I reciprocate regardless of my marital status?? What's the point of blaming me for not reciprocating? That's the point, buddy!! I don't know you. Even if I want a pure, friendly relationship, I need…to spend time with you by chatting virtually. If you want to chat with me, please come and say hello. That's the least I can expect. Nobody was interested in saying even a hello. They wanted ‘Me’ to approach because ‘They’ wanted to chat with me. How egoistic is this? What's the point of waiting and expecting me to buzz you? If you want to chat ‘You’ buzz. Period. Getting to know each other is what we are supposed to do. You just can't expect someone to come to you full of emotions just because ‘You’ liked that person, and you want that person to reciprocate your feelings. This is foolishness.

     Ek ne to hadh hi kar di🙄.( One guy crossed his limits) He wanted to marry me regardless of my marital status. He knew I was married but was still desperate to make me his wife. He, too, was married with a small kid. The funny part was he never came to chat. He never buzzed to befriend me or say hello. It was always a tiny acknowledgment or appreciation in the comment section on my songs, which was visible to everyone. I, too, never buzzed him. Why would I? Was I here to chat?? Nope. I was here to sing songs, and that's what I was doing. Smule is a platform to sing. How can anybody insult Saraswati Maa😢?? People out there are flirting and blabbering utter nonsense and whatnot on that platform.

Many sent personal messages just to flirt with me. I very kindly showed them the door without hurting them. There were many whose main intention was not to sing but to laugh, mock and ridicule others singing and to flirt, to do time pass and make fake relationships. I totally understand that you tend to find friends on the internet through such apps, but Smule can never be an app to chat. If you want to talk, you can use apps like WhatsApp, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, etc. If you are looking for a partner, please register with Tinder. If you are interested in singing, then only come on Smule; otherwise, don’t!!

Now, back to this guy. Then again, after learning about his intentions, it was a big No. He literally used to threaten me that he would kill himself if I didn't accept his proposal. And everything was happening through songs. Sounds unrealistic, right?? But trust me, it was for real. Mandar is an eyewitnes!! Again, others with whom I had collaborated also noticed this madness.

Okay, so first, let me address this threatening issue. Who has come up with such threatening songs in Bollywood??? I mean, who started this trend?? There are so many songs where the hero pressurizes or threatens the heroine to accept his proposal, and she, out of fear, accepts it. How come nobody saw anything wrong with it?? This is absolutely unhealthy!! 

“Tu jaldi se ha karde nahi toh abhie poison khadunga”(accept my proposal; otherwise, I will eat poison). What kind of rubbish is this? Can you see what is happening!!! People are misusing the songs to hurt someone or harass someone. Today, Bollywood is viewed as a vast entertainment industry. So…many people come to watch the movies. They admire, appreciate and dance to the foot-tapping songs. So many get influenced by what is shown on the big screen and knowingly or unknowingly try to apply it in their daily lives. Please be very careful about what content and songs you create and put out in front of the audience. Is it healthy and of high vibration?? Will it have any negative repercussions on the audience?? Does it impart any good message for the betterment of society??

I repeat, with great power comes great responsibility. So please, please refrain from writing such threatening songs. Thank-you 🙏🙏

      So, back to the smule chapter. Friends, I was so scared. What if he seriously commits suicide? What am I supposed to do then??  I prayed to Almighty and told him to take care of him and help him out of this foolishness. From my side, I stopped collaborating with him. I completely ignored him. Eventually, he gave up, seeing I wasn't responding, which meant I was NOT interested. This whole drama continued for almost two weeks. It made me so restless and sleepless and sent me to contemplate how a married man could get so involved without any zero encouragement from my side. He was ready to let go of his marriage and kid and accept me as his wife. How much did he know me? How can someone fall in love by hearing my voice or by what I was writing( like words of appreciation on his songs)? I remember asking God if I should confront him. God said no, it's his battle. Let him fight. So I waited, and everything became normal, thanks to time and the Almighty!!

       Another important point I would like to highlight is that I am a married woman. So the question of going to some other guy doesn't arise. What if I were unmarried?? Maybe…because of the threatening I would have accepted his proposal regardless of his marital status. So rather than understanding his mistake, I would have been targeted as the marriage breaker, right?? Ya, blame the woman. Why not? She will listen to everything and not utter a single word because that's what women have been doing all these years. “Keeping their mouth shut.” And today, when they have started sharing their thoughts, standing up for themselves and speaking their mind, they are labelled as “Feminists.” This is how a messed-up patriarchal society is and works !! Nobody would have even bothered to consider that it was the man who started it. Everybody would have lashed out at me. This is what is happening in the society😕

The woman is always blamed for breaking marriages or relationships. Why the man is left untouched?? Wasn't he responsible for igniting the flame?? Is he a two-year-old boy who goes with the woman just because she encourages him?? Is he that fickle-minded?? No, but the woman is only blamed because she “encouraged” the man and ruined his married life😒. Society simply judges and lashes out at the women involved without knowing the proper facts. Why? Because our society is more patriarchal than matriarchal. This is highly unsettling and hurtful. I want to present two classic examples of how society allows, accepts, appreciates and sometimes even ignores a man who is walking on the wrong path full of immorality, arrogance and ignorance and how only a woman is held guilty for everything.

And also how people unthinkingly follow society without using their brains.

First example: Many years before, I watched a Hindi TV serial, Tarak Mehta ka Ulta Chasma, where the character Jethalal was shown doing so-called healthy flirting with his neighbour named Babitaji (Iyers’s wife). Everybody seemed to enjoy and applaud his flirting.

So, my first question is, Why do men feel the need to flirt with someone who is not their girlfriend, fiance or wife? You can flirt with your wife, right? Then why is there a need to do it with someone, not yours? Why do we see this mentality in most men that you want to run behind what is not yours and ignore or give up on what is rightfully yours? Why is it so?

My second question is, What was the writer of the show thinking when he wrote these flirting scenes, and why on earth did the producer feel like going ahead with these scenes? How come nobody saw anything wrong in it?

My third question is, What if a woman flirts with a man similarly? Will it be seen as healthy, or will people applaud just the same way a man is praised for his shitty behaviour? How come none of the wives of the main characters of the Tarak Mehta serial were shown flirting with any of society's members? Even if the show's producer had shown Daya Babhie flirting with Iyer bhai, would our society have accepted and enjoyed it similarly and considered it healthy?

      Today, people have learned to consider and accept such flirtatious behaviour of a man as normal and even healthy to some extent in TV series and movies. I remember watching an Amol Palekar, Parveen Babi, Farooq Sheikh and Dipti Naval starrer Bollywood movie from the ’80s named “Rangbirangi.” It showed how that period, too, the kind of thoughts men carried about flirting. In the movie, the hero’s friend suggests that he should flirt with his office secretary to bring romance to his married life. Seriously…how ridiculous one can get?? Who gives such risky advice to someone? Now, the whole movie had a comic touch to it, so we are supposed to laugh at it and ignore it, right?? But just imagine if, in reality, you went to give such advice to your friend. What might happen!! What if your friend gets emotionally involved with the secretary?? What if the secretary falls in love with your friend?? Have you thought about all these factors? If you care about their marriage, why can't you give tips on how he can rekindle his relationship with his wife?? Why take the unnecessarily risky path where the chances are more of pulling the couple apart than keeping them together forever? The issue of flirting has been running down for many generations. The next generation observes the earlier generation and follows without using their brains.

Then there are several advertisements about how “Men will be Men,” and so many look at them as either funny or acknowledge, admire and approve of them wholeheartedly. And why not? They are so relatable, right?? But imagine what happens when people flirt in real life? Has anybody thought about this? What happens when men cross their limits while flirting with their colleagues and co-workers who are women? When they start behaving and doing what they are not supposed to do? What happens when one of the victims happens to be your sister, wife or your flesh and blood to whom you gave birth, your beloved daughter? Does it stay healthy, then? Will you still applaud it, laugh at it, ignore it or shove it under the carpet?

      Now, the people in the entertainment industry will say, “Ye sab toh common hain yaha pein!! Sab chalta hain. Aree bhai kyun chalta hain?? Yahee toh sawal hain mera? Kyun?? Chala lete ho isiliye chalta hain naaa.. ?? That’s how these prowlers get away with such shitty behaviour because so many of us remain silent. Today, a commoner, especially a woman, has learned to remain silent. She ignores it because what else will she do? A common average woman has her priority which is earning money to run her household. She simply cannot leave her job because she is sexually harassed, exploited or abused at her workplace. These are difficult times, guys, but then if we all come together to fight this disease of physical abuse at the workplace, we all can put an end to this shit. It’s so easy to simply complain and forget about it. But it's difficult to take some drastic measures. It's time we took some!! So this is what I arrived at after a deep thought.

First, stop revering and respecting such people and show them the door who are abusing you physically. Bring into the light how dirty their character is. Nobody, I repeat, nobody should be allowed to bully you on any level. Stop tolerating their abuse no matter at what level it is. Learn to set your boundaries and then let them know what they are. There is so much power in what a common man can do. So don’t just complain about the flaring issue in round-table conferences. Stop the unnecessary chitter-chatter. It is not taking you anywhere. “You” must do some real work if you want to nip it in the bud. If it really matters, find strong solutions to bust these crimes. Actions need to speak now. Just starting a “ME TOO” movement and talking about it for months is not sufficient. Taking some drastic measures has become the desperate need of the hour. Regardless of the gender or what field you belong to, do your part. You never know what might click that will help a common woman feel safe and secure at her workplace.

        Secondly, I honestly feel the laws are for the rich. They seriously don't work for the commoner😕. Even if they do exist, they are not strong enough to bust such crimes appropriately and immediately. Where a decision to announce a death sentence for a rapist or a murderer takes ‘n’ number of years, what justice can you expect from such sleepy and lethargic law on cases of physical abuse at their workplace? My question to the concerned authorities. Why isn’t there a law for women’s safety in the workplace? If there is a law that safeguards a woman, why are the prowlers roaming free, unaffected and untouched? If such a clause had existed, the women working in serials(like Tarak Mehta) wouldn't have openly talked about how someone from their workplace is flirting with them. My question to the women of the Tarak Mehta serial who openly spoke about how they were treated at their workplace. If you were treated the wrong way, which was absolutely unhealthy and unacceptable, why didn't you file a complaint against the person concerned? What was the point of showcasing your feelings publicly about how badly you were treated if no immediate measures were taken from your side? Your immediate reaction should have been to file a complaint against the person who harassed you either emotionally or physically. There's no need to feel scared about anything. It's your right to protect yourself and point out what feels objectionable. So…What I think is, regardless of the law, there should be a clause in the employment contract from the employee’s side that clearly speaks about sexual harassment and its consequences. The person harassing the victim should be made to pay a heavy fine to the victim, submit a resignation from his office position immediately and a rigorous imprisonment where the assault is severe once he is proven guilty. That's how strong the clause should be!! Once these prowlers notice that the safety and the security of a woman has been taken care of by the law sufficiently and wholeheartedly, all such acts of physical or sexual abuse will disappear into thin air. Once these men realize that they will be severely punished regardless of their money, power and position, no man will dare to cross their limits to behave inappropriately.

Another point I want women to know and understand is to be vocal about the physical abuse they are facing at their workplace. Discuss it openly and immediately with your colleagues and subordinates. Tell them how you feel about the whole issue and keep them in the loop. Don't wait for years to divulge how badly you were treated by one of your colleagues at your workplace. So when the right time comes to ask for justice, you have genuine witnesses to prove your honesty and authenticity to receive the same.

Second example: Recently, a female celebrity in the Bollywood industry was trolled for passing a remark that although she was going steady with her boyfriend, she kept looking and trying out with other men. Okay, so let me begin by addressing the celebrity. “Dear one, if you are going steady with your boyfriend and still looking out at other venues to satiate your hunger because your boyfriend doesn't possess that trait, then you are straightaway cheating on him. Whatever you said in the interview was completely immoral and unethical."

First question: How and why didn't you see anything wrong in making such a statement?

Second question: How did nobody stop you from passing such unhealthy remarks?

          We have always believed that family and friends play a pivotal role in shaping you as a person. But today, so many…neither have a genuine connection with their family members nor do they have genuine friends. All they have in their life is friendships of convenience. And that is why so many out there are becoming terribly insensitive in their lives.

Firstly, nowadays people claim they are self-made so the question of taking their parent's advice or suggestions doesn't arise. And that's fine. Everybody’s journey is different, and opinions can differ for every generation. That's why we call it a “generation gap”. Many take pride in conveying that they didn't wait for their parents to pull the strings for them. That means you have single-handedly made decisions on your own, and for that, kudos to you!! But wait, are you checking if the decisions you single-handedly make are authentic? Some of your choices might be wrong and might get you into trouble. So what do you think the people who are self-made and have earned name, fame and respect would never have made any mistakes? Were they created in a day as if someone put them into some mould, and Boom…we got our ready-made role models? No… of course not. They, too, must have fallen 100 times before becoming famous. The problem is not that you are making mistakes. The problem arises when you don't learn from them. Success can only happen if you learn from your mistakes. I, too, am a self-made woman. I have learned from my and others' mistakes and am still learning. Unfortunately, there are so many out there who are not learning from their mistakes. But before they learn from their mistakes, they need to recognize them first and then rectify them.

Secondly, they don't have real friends to help them fix their mistakes and guide them towards light. Riddle me this. Has any of the concerned celebrity’s friends had the courage to object or ask her if the thoughts she was carrying were healthy or appropriate? If nobody did, then they, too, had the same thoughts as her and hence defended her. And if someone showed the courage to ask, did the person concerned listen without feeling offended? Again, if you are only interested in hearing appreciation about yourself and feel offended when your friends rectify your mistakes, you will always attract such people who will be there to appreciate you but never to help you walk on the right path. You see “As within so without.” What's inside you is what will be on the outside.

Guys… real friends are not those who attend your parties to have fun or arrive at funerals full of sympathies and condolences. A true friend also helps you and guides you throughout your journey when you are alive. If you embark on the wrong path, they will try to bring you on the right path.

I will give a quick example of my personal experience as to what a real friend or a well-wisher is. I remember making Goda masala (a Maharashtrian spice mix) for the Ganesh festival of MSBC(Marathi Society of British Columbia). I requested Mandar to give it to his friend, who resided a couple of blocks away from the Hindu temple, whereas we lived in a different city far from the temple. The reason being that it will be much easier for his friend to take the spice mix to the temple even a day before Ganesh Chaturthi in case the need arises. Also, it will be readily available whenever the women start cooking the food for the Ganesh puja in the early morning. Again, we wouldn’t have to hurry there early because Pannu was very small, and we needed time to look after her needs and wants. So when we reached the temple on the day of Ganesh Chaturthi, the women who had volunteered to cook started searching for the spice mix. We both were surprised. Like, what happened? We already sent the spice jar to his friend’s house. So, what could be the reason it was not brought to the temple? Mandar went to his friend, who, too, had come to the temple. He asked him about the spice mix. The latter very casually said he didn’t get it. Mandar had to go to his house to pick up the jar and bring it back to the temple. When the women started blabbering stuff like why the jar wasn’t here and they had to wait, Mandar's friend mindlessly asked him, “Hey Mandar, did you ask me to take the jar to the temple?”.

My husband and I, we both are simple, straightforward people and didn't know how the shrewd ways of the world worked, so we were unable to understand if we gave him the jar; he was supposed to bring it to the temple. As simple as that!! Agreed, in a hurry, Mandar must have forgotten to tell him specifically to bring it to the temple or must have said something that wasn’t clear enough. But wasn’t it understandable? Mandar’s friend knew it was for the temple and obviously not for his wife to use it🙄. Despite knowing that we already had delivered the spice jar at this guy’s place to make it easily available early morning, so many over-smart people came to preach us what a mistake we made by not taking care of the one thing we were supposed to take care of, which meant bringing the jar to the temple on time. However, no one saw anything wrong in that egoistic friend’s behaviour. If I had been in his place, I would have asked Mandar if he wanted me to bring it to the temple on Ganesh Chaturthi. I would not have waited for him to fall flat on his face and enjoyed the fun. Again, this guy is like 15 years older than us. Even if Mandar hadn't clarified what exactly he expected his friend to do, his friend, being the elderly one, should have tackled the situation with kindness and humility. Instead, he preferred to keep his mouth shut. I repeat the same question. “Who says maturity comes with age”? Such people who wait for you to fall only to watch the fun scene can never be your friends or well-wishers. See, when you are in your heart space, you walk that extra mile to help each other, and when you are in your headspace, you sit on the fence watching the fun. Real friends and well-wishers always have your back. They go out of the way to help you not because they have to but because they want to!! Understand the difference!!

        Nowadays, people are neither willing to walk that extra mile for their friends nor bothered to intervene whenever they feel something’s off. The half section is like who cares and the other half is like what if he or she feels offended? The result being the rapid growth of this disease called - “freedom or entitlement to walk on the path of immorality and infidelity.” This disease has been continuously growing for a while now, with no one to put a stopper on. Galat tarike se zindagi jeeye ja rahein hain.. Jeeye ja rahein hain. Kisiko koi parwa hee nahi hain. Everybody is so lost😞. A few months back Panna narrated this incident that made me dizzy. She narrated how her friend’s girlfriend broke up with him after having a two-year relationship. His girlfriend's explanation for the breakup was that she wanted a carefree life where she could party, enjoy late nights, flirt with multiple boys and have fun. So, having a boyfriend who would have objected to such behaviour felt like a hindrance, and hence, she straightaway ended the relationship without giving it a second thought. When I asked her, didn’t your friend know or realize how she was as a person nature-wise before? Pannu answered, “Aai, he never imagined in his slightest dream that she would make such a huge character flip.” This is seriously scary, man. Where is today’s younger generation heading? They desperately need help.

So this is what I arrived at. People, in general, are not ready to commit themselves to a relationship. For that, you need to know what a commitment is. Nowadays, a 50-year-old is hopping and jumping from one relationship to another, so what can we expect from an 18-year-old? People just want to have fun, hence the need for casual relationships, casual dating, casual this and casual that. Please tell me, is it because society has injected in our minds that “Stop taking your life seriously”?Friends, please stop following society blindly and mindlessly!! Can you see the consequences?? Whenever society comes up with a new concept, people unthinkingly follow it without understanding if it needs to be implemented. They simply jump into the well. Everything is being taken for granted and it's ruining their relationships. People are merely taking advantage of the word “fun,” misusing it for their convenience and playing with others and their own lives. Please understand there is nothing wrong with having fun, but if it is at the cost of giving pain to others, it's no fun, man. It's “selfishness.” The reason I was able to think about the girl who abandoned Panna’s friend was that she must be having abandonment issues. Her parents or friends must have abandoned her needs in her childhood so she could easily leave her boyfriend when she reached adulthood. But after a few days, the real reason that came out was that she was confined by her parents throughout her entire life. Her whole existence was craving and screaming for freedom. So when she reached adulthood, she turned rebellious and jumped into doing everything she was stopped from doing to date. Even a tiny no from her boyfriend felt like a barrier, a thin string pulling her down, so she cut that, too.

     Now, back to the celebrity issue. The point is that it's so easy to blame and judge. But it's difficult to understand why a person thinks or behaves the way he or she does!! There might be several reasons why the celebrity carried such an impure thought. Earlier, I talked about “How” she passed the remarks knowingly or unknowingly and how nobody felt the need to stop her. Now let me explain the reasons “Why” she must have done so. As per my observation, first, she is either a lost soul. Second, she jumped on the bandwagon because men have been walking on this wrong path for several years, and she wanted to experience it, too. Third, she wanted to say something sensational to entice more people to talk about her and her love life. Fourth, because she wanted to look cool or feel different. You are not the only one here:). There are so many out there who feel and think similarly. So why the need to look cool? Because they feel that if they don't do something different or say something that sounds different, people won't accept them. They will be treated as a loser. But tell me one thing: what's wrong with losing? Why can't we accept our failures, too, with dignity and humility? I have tasted far more failures than successes in my life. Guys, it's the failures that make us humble, while the much-adored and desired success makes us arrogant. My failures taught me to stand up every time I fell. They taught me never to give up. Rather than making me hard and rude, they strengthened me from within. They made me kind-hearted and humble. But nowadays, I see people becoming rude and arrogant because of the problems in their lives. They feel entitled to behave anyhow just because they have endured pain in their life.

Friends.…the pain in your life shouldn't make you hard. It should make you strong. Why is it making you hard from within?? It's only because you are either not accepting your failures, not learning from them or playing a victim card like how you had to suffer. Suppose people start accepting their failures graciously and stop feeling scared of not being accepted by society; there won't be a need to do or say something insensitive or disrespectful towards others. Someone truly said that deeply touched my heart. “Haro Toh Haro Magar Ijjat Mat Utaro.” (lose a battle or a fight, but never lose your dignity and self-respect). Sweetheart….no matter who you are or if you are way out of others' league, if you don't know the basic rules of morality and commitment in a love relationship or if you don't know how to be a person with a strong character, you are a nobody!! For your very kind information, let me define a person with a strong character. “A person with a strong character is defined by their unwavering moral and ethical values, resilience in the face of adversity, and the ability to act with integrity, honesty, and loyalty. They consistently demonstrate self-control, are accountable for their actions, and prioritize personal growth and self-improvement.” Dear one, you have such a huge fan following. People adore you for your acting and dancing skills. Please don't ruin your hard-earned reputation because of some foolish mistakes. Please be very careful how you portray yourself in public. Understand… that it takes years to build your reputation but just a minute to destroy it. So Please wake up!!

And finally, the fifth reason, and the most likely one, might be that whatever she said was completely “Scripted.” What was the host doing while approving the script? Was he sleeping or what🙄? My direct question to the host of the show. Why did you feel the need to approve such an insensitive script? I was able to get two answers.

         The first one was to gather sympathy for the female celebrity’s husband. And why the need to garner sympathy? It's because all his movies had recently bombed at the box office, and the public ignored him. Showing how disturbed he was in his personal life because his wife had an insensitive approach towards him would have helped attract the public to watch his movies again and made him more admirable and acceptable, which he already was. Please remember it’s unnecessary to lure or entice people to watch your movies by showing your fake performance on such ridiculous talk shows. If you put in your sincere efforts and continuously work hard with dedication and determination with an honest intention and humble heart at the place where you are supposed to perform, you will never feel the need to surrender to such foolish gimmicks. Again, I find it ridiculous that these people feel the need to cling to such stupidity even after garnering multiple awards. This shows that even after running behind awards, they are not happy, contented, and at peace. So tell me, what is missing from your life if you are still unhappy? And if you are genuinely satisfied, why is there a need for this unnecessary drama???

       The second answer I could come across was to attract more TRPs. So my question to the host of the show is: Is your show so shitty that you were so…desperate to cling to such unhealthy ways of garnering more TRPs? You will never…feel the need to approve such a disrespectful script or embrace unhealthy ways to garner either TRPs or attention if you are authentic, original, honest, creative and truthful. All these traits you possess will automatically attract trp’s on their own. Do you know something? I feel the problem is in your mentality, in your thought process. You think now… that you are holding a highly reputable position in Bollywood, you aren't answerable to anybody. No matter how you behave, what you blabber, how you blabber, nothing will be questionable, right?? A few months back, Mandar shared an article that spoke about your impudence and arrogance. For the unversed, the article talked about this host, the so-called God-father of the Bollywood industry, wanting to murder one of the female celebrity’s career. I was shocked….to the core when I read the article. I don't know if anybody has asked you this before. So, let me ask you this today. Who do you think you are to say so😳? Are you God to decide someone’s destiny? NO, YOU ARE NOT😐. I  totally understand that as a director or a producer, you have a right to be opinionated, or you might not like a particular person who has just entered the entertainment industry. But passing such pathetic and appalling comments about ruining someone’s career who had recently entered the industry was utterly inappropriate, indecent and unnecessary. This showed me that you not only had zero respect for her( or for women in general) but also were not bothered or cared about the genuine efforts she must have taken for her movie to be successful. The words were so disrespectful and unacceptable. So when such disgusting words ooze out of a man, it shows how as a person he is, how his character must be.

When a girl or a boy enters the entertainment or any other industry, they dream of becoming successful in their chosen field. They work hard to get themselves settled down. There are several sacrifices they make to make their dream come true. As a senior person in the industry, what should your role be? Your role should be to guide them towards their dream. To help them become a better actor. Instead of becoming a guiding light for the newcomers, if you are going to blabber such shit, who will they look upon?? They will be seriously scared to the core. They will feel lost if they are unnecessarily attacked and why because some person of a high reputation did not like them?

Please help me understand. According to the article, you passed these comments before watching her movie "Band Baja and Barrat". Later you went and watched the movie because you were totally against the director signing her up for the movie "Rab be bana di Jodi". But since the director went ahead with his selection, you had no choice but to watch it reluctantly. That's what you said. However, your whole perception of her changed after watching "Band Baja Barrat". And then, to justify what you said, you covered your dirty words by saying, “Oh Man, she is an amazing actor!! Thank God! I didn't do anything to harm her career”. This showed me how somebody is so quick to judge someone's artwork by watching their first movie. And even if you are judging someone’s artwork, just because you feel you are entitled to it, only because you have been around in the industry for a while, thinking about doing something shitty as this was utterly sickening. Nobody, I repeat, nobody…no matter how big a personality they are in Bollywood or any other field, has a right to ruin someone's career. Stop…taking advantage of their silence. Stop behaving like you are entitled to decide someone's fate, especially with those recently entered the industry whom “You” don't like.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder what the situation would have been if it had been one of your favoured godchildren instead of the celebrity you disliked. Would you have still created a fuss about their selection? Would you have bothered to check if your favoured actor is appropriate for the role or whether they deserved the role in the first place? No…I don't think so!!! You would have straightaway offered them the role regardless of their acting skills. And no matter how mediocre their performance would have been, they would have still received a Debut Actor award and even a Best Actor award two years later, not because they were a better actor but because they were your so-called favoured godchildren. This shows how easily and conveniently you are misusing your power and position to pamper your ego.

      And now this ridiculous case of scripted idiocy. Tell me what did you gain by spreading such filth? Are you genuinely happy and satisfied now that you have unnecessarily created chaos, spread negativity and disrupted the mental peace of the public and that you have given a genuine reason for so many out there to badmouth you? Why would a genuinely sensible person act in such a manner that will make people talk badly about him? How didn't you see anything wrong in the script? I have mentioned this many times, and I don't have a problem mentioning it again. Before speaking, please consider these three things. Is it kind, Is it true, and Is it necessary? Words have an immense power in them. So be very careful when and how you are using them. They can either ruin or build somebody’s life. I completely understand that interviews are meant to be scripted. That doesn't mean you are entitled to write anything carelessly, absentmindedly or casually and walk away with it as if it doesn't matter or you simply don't care. Please use your creativity and brains while creating scripts. They should look genuine and authentic, not fake and stupid. This was utterly shitty and inhumane.

        At times, I wondered how nobody, excluding a few, thought of putting a stopper to your nonstop nonsense. I understand the younger generation maintaining their silence. But I couldn't articulate how your family, friends or someone who has been around in the industry for decades never felt the need to let you know what a fake life you have been living or how an insensitive approach you had towards yours and others' lives!! As someone said, your soul holds all the answers to your questions. It wasn't different for me. The answer popped up when it was the right time for me to know about it. The answer was clear. Because they, too, were unaware of what was right and what was not. It's the conditioned mindset of society that we need to associate ourselves with highly educated, talented, rich and famous people. We will get noticed and acknowledged only if we do so. So when the people I mentioned above misbehave, nobody finds it objectionable. Everybody tries to either ignore it or shove it under the carpet. But understand…by excusing their behaviour, you are simply boosting their confidence by helping them walk on the path of ignorance and arrogance. Such people then develop the freedom to misbehave, knowing they will always stay untouched because of their reputable position. A kind request to his real friends and family, if he has any, “Please help him see the light. He is completely walking on the path of darkness”. Everything that I observed and felt was extremely unnerving, and hence, I concluded that somebody seriously needed to show him his place and thought, why not me? That's what I have done. Something feels so… not right. Something feels so…off about you, man, and when I feel something is wrong, Something IS Wrong. Something is unhealed and has been hibernating for quite a long time now. And due to this unhealed aspect, you are either belittling, ridiculing, mocking or hurling hateful words towards others who have no say OR are feeling threatened by those who you know are far superior to you in one or every single aspect of their life. Remember, a person who is genuinely contented in his life or at peace will “NEVER” use such hurtful words to hurt others. Please introspect!! Rather than telling others to leave the industry who are meticulously working hard to establish themselves or have carved a niche, why don't “YOU” leave?? Just leave!!! Press a pause button on your life, drop everything you have been doing and reflect on this and several other mistakes you have committed. Understand that if you repeat your mistakes, they don't remain mistakes. They become conscious decisions. Check a hundred times if your decisions are appropriate, ethical, and logical. So you won't have any regrets in the future. Wake up.… Wake up, Mr. Karan Johar!!

A final message to the female celebrity. Sweetheart, you must be thinking what nonsense this woman is blabbering. She has totally lost it. The reason is none of this. Okay agreed...Fine, I accept that all my assumptions are wrong. Then you tell me, what point are you trying to prove, or what kind of love are you trying to showcase when you go ahead with such ridiculous scripts? Why did you feel the need to give such a preposterous statement or surrender to such nonsense script that showed your insensitivity and disrespect towards your then-boyfriend, who is now your husband? Please ruminate 🙏🙏

       An important message for the newbies who are setting foot in the entertainment industry with a clear vision and an undying fire to become a successful person. Know how to recognize a respectable person. Who is a respectable person? A respectable person helps you with your soul growth, not ego growth. The ones helping grow your ego can help you get awards but not respect. You will get hundreds of awards, but 10-20 years later, you will realize the importance of earning a respectful life full of peace and contentment rather than fake happiness. Learn from your subordinates' and superiors' mistakes. Please don't repeat the same mistakes they have committed. It is foolishness to do so. Stay fixated on your soul's growth. Universe will give you several opportunities to help your soul grow. Always remember serving food at a rich man’s house for a particular occasion will feed your ego and will make the rich man(the host) happy, and it's okay to do so, but serving at a poor man's house will feed your soul and will make you happy😊.

An urge to serve at a poor man’s house(maybe your household help) should come from within. Don't serve to make a headline or because someone else is doing it. If you are following someone else’s footsteps only because “they” got acknowledged and appreciated and “you” too crave that appreciation and acknowledgement, then the whole purpose of serving or helping a person in need gets nullified. The intention to serve with honesty, humility and a pure heart completely disappears. Stop putting on fake masks to gain publicity. Stop making fake people your role models and father figures or lick their feet just because you want to garner awards or get recognized. If you want to be recognized and respected correctly, hard work, patience, persistence, and perseverance are the only keys to achieving the same. Success will automatically come to you. It has to!! Never give up!! It will take time for you to establish yourself in the industry. Keep walking consistently with an honest intention and a humble heart. Learn the art of recognizing a noble person with a heart full of kindness, honesty, purity and humility. These traits are far more important than money and stardom. Money and stardom will only help you achieve name and fame, and that's fine, but learning the traits mentioned above will not only help you become a better person but will also help you win the hearts of millions, not just as an actor but also as a human being. Please use your discernment to choose who you want to associate with. It will help you go a long….way.

       I genuinely feel that nowadays, many young actors are more interested in garnering awards than in their performance. No matter how mediocre their performance is, they want awards. Even if they are delivering their best performance, it's not because they had a soul urge to deliver but because they wanted awards. Stop running behind awards. If you do so, you will have to unnecessarily dance around people who aren't worthy of judging your performance. Because they will be more fixated on how much you butter them up than on your performance. Focus on your artwork, and you will never feel the need to cling to such fake people to garner either awards or appreciation.

Another point worth mentioning is that you shouldn't expect awards if you aren't worthy of them. Ask yourself, have I put my heart and soul into this role? Was my role worthy enough to get me an award? Have I delivered 100 percent? If you think you did, then only you have the right to expect an award. Today, I feel like mentioning this example to the newcomers. When Akshay Kumar got the Filmfare award for his role in “Singh is King” as the Best Actor, he refused, saying Aamir Khan’s role in “Ghazini” was far better than his role, so he should get this award. Akshay Ji…honestly, I was deeply touched!! Salute to you for this kind and humble gesture of yours 🙏🙏. You indeed have a lion's heart to give away your award like this. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. God bless you!! Guys… please learn from him!!!

Today, I see some actors collecting awards for their roles for which they didn't deserve an award or were unnecessarily being awarded because they were introduced by their godfathers in the industry or were in their good books. No one should feel entitled to rob the rights of the actors(who are genuinely working hard or whose artwork is better than yours) to garner awards because they are favoured by some XYZ director or producer. “Learn to earn your award,” and don't expect it if you don't deserve it. Focus on your performance rather than the award. Don't deliver a performance to get an award. Deliver because it makes your soul happy. Deliver because you love to😊. See where your intention lies. Is it the award or the performance?? You will notice the difference when you shift the focus from the award to the performance. Remember…you will never be considered the best actor by the number of awards you achieved in your life but will be judged based on an honest and humble performance delivered through hard work, patience, persistence and perseverance. Never forget that 👍👍.

       Again, tomorrow, you guys will get married and have kids. It’s pretty understandable to make someone your kid's godmother or godfather at their christening or their wedding from the film fraternity because you, too, belong to the same fraternity, and the entire industry then becomes like your home. Agreed, but please acknowledge these people, too, who your kids have spent maximum time with and who were truly instrumental in helping you look after your children in your absence. These people are your kid's Nannies, Babysitters or anyone you think was always there for them through thick and thin !! Be generous and kind enough to acknowledge them as they are your kid's real Godmothers or Godfathers who fed them, played with them, read stories to them, sang songs to them, danced for them, carried them on their shoulders and did everything you would have done.

Today, let me share the divinely sent Godmothers in my life because the path I chose was devoid of the motherly love and affection of my biological mother because of a lack of awareness or a conditioned mindset. However, God was kind enough to send Mother figures or Other mothers(Unlike the movie Coraline) to look after me, take care of me and fill up the vacuum created by my Mom’s absence.

Godmothers or Mother figures: Who were there for me unconditionally and who I was able to connect with at a soul level (listed in the order they came into my life)

1)Gokhale Aaji- The grandma who looked after me at the creche. Gokhale Aaji, I know today you are not around and passed away a long time back when I was still a school kid. I want to mention this point. I might be in grade 2 or 3 maybe. I had got back one of my unit test papers, and it was not carrying the best of marks. I still remember it was getting dark and late, but you were sitting with me near the society gate, waiting for my parents to arrive. And why?? Because you wanted to request my parents not to scold me for my low marks on my paper. And trust me, with kindness in your eyes and softness in your heart, you did convince my parents not to scold me for the low marks. My eyes were instantly welled up with tears to see your kindheartedness.

Friends, her kind soul not only brought tears to my eyes but also deeply connected with my soul forever. My eyes still water every time I remember her sweet memory.🥹. Gokhale Aaji, your kindness and unconditional love will always be remembered, and today, wherever you are, know you will always be in my heart till eternity🙏🙏

2)Pratibha Kerkar Maushi- ( My mom’s friend) For teaching me Hindi and babysitting me in my parent's absence. Pratibha Maushi, I cannot forget when I had a fever and you looked after me in my parents' absence. I cannot forget your home-cooked chicken curry, chicken soup and chicken biryani meals. It was simply heavenly !! I still remember your Binamirchicha jevan:) I also remember you taking me to your relative's house whenever I was at your place. Not to forget the incident when I was small and had brought the answer paper at home after giving the exam and placed it in your hands. Without wasting any time, you ran to return my answer paper to the teacher at the school. I think she was newly appointed and somehow forgot to collect my paper. Sounds weird, right? But it did happen 😀. Pratibha Maushi, thanks for your concern and quick thinking about returning the paper without wasting time. You didn’t want them to think we corrected and returned the answers. How thoughtful of you to do that !! Thank you so very much for always being there.🙏

3)Vijaya(Viju) Khadkikar Maushi-( Our society family friend) For teaching me Ganpati Atharvashirsha and for giving me the confidence that I can learn things that are difficult to understand. I remember the time you helped me with raising money for my project. I cannot forget the wonderful times spent with you, the advice you gave me in my dark times and when I was about to get married. The time you bathed me after the Haldi ceremony. The time both our families went on trips at your Neral house and JNPT resort. I still remember the happiness on your face and the tears in your eyes that conveyed your deep love for me when I made hot soup for you when you were sick. It was “You” who brought to my notice the hidden photography talent in me. You had loved my photography so…much that you had kept the picture clicked by me of your daughter Aditi and her son Prithvi when he was a baby on top of your fridge for years. Thanks for giving me the confidence when I needed it the most and for dusting the dirt on my hidden talents and capabilities that had been hibernating since childhood. Thankyou Viju Maushi, for everything 🙏

4)Pratima Paradkar Maushi- For being there for me in Canada and giving me moral support whenever needed. I still remember you inviting me for your 50 Wedding Anniversary and letting me know that regardless of you not knowing me for many….years, you really really wanted me to come because I had been so… kind to you :). I remember you dragging me to the stage to advertise my catering business despite my telling you not to because it was your day to have fun and enjoy and not the place to promote someone else’s business. But you did that unconditionally😊.

I will never forget the Tulsi plant you gave me with much love and affection. I frequently reminisce about savouring your home-cooked, yummylicious fish curry and fish fry. I will never forget the meaningful advice you imparted that helped me forge my path. You were special because your birthday also fell on the 31st of May, just like Parthu😀. I will never forget our beautiful chats on the phone. Thank you for being there unconditionally🙏

5)Thoheja Gurukar Auntu- For healing my soul through Divine healing hands and intently listening and understanding my problems. Thoheja Auntu, you were a godsend blessing in my dark times. Your presence helped me walk, jump and laugh when it was difficult for me even to stand. Thank you for not judging me for the path I have been walking and for loving me unconditionally. May God bless you with excellent health, happiness and peace. Lots and lots of love and light to you 🙏

6)Prem Singh Aunty- (who I fondly called Nani)- Parth’s preschool friend’s Grandma. Thank you for helping me with many things and being such a great friend. I often reminisce about our trip to Kurumba restaurant and how we enjoyed the food, especially the prawn curry. Our trip to Henderson Mall, where you bought tasty desserts for all of us (your granddaughters Malea, Naya, Parth, You and me). That one weekend( minus the kids😛) when we strolled at the Larfarge Lake, chitchatted like old friends😝, then devoured the ice cream at the Cold Stone Creamery. It still feels like yesterday🥹. You brought beautiful flowers for me when you visited my place for the first time. The time we enjoyed the car rides. We had such great fun, right 😆. Then, all the time, you helped me with countless things and, most importantly, helped me by carrying Parth’s birthday cake to his preschool because I was already carrying a lot of other things. I never had to tell you that I needed help. Do you know something? When fake friends surround you, and you start losing hope in the term friendship, God sends someone to show you that for every fake friend, there is a Genuine one. Thanks for being that “someone,” Nani…and for giving our friendship a real meaning. Thank you so much, Nani….for connecting with me and forming a beautiful bond regardless of the age difference, for spreading laughter, happiness and for all the great times we shared. I will treasure it for eternity 🙏

         Thank you to everybody who helped me in every aspect of my life. The path I have been walking on doesn’t permit me to stay connected with you, so please forgive me😥🙏 if I couldn’t pick up your call or remain connected once the phase you were sent to help me ended. It was meant to be that way. I don’t know if we will meet again. Let god decide. Please Know that you all have a special place in my heart and will always stay there for eternity. My love for you will never diminish and continue to shine and sparkle through my entire mind, body and soul 🥹. May god be with you in every single walk of “your” life, just like you were in “mine.” Thank you again for being there, and lots of love and light to you always 🙏🙏🙏

             So see, these are my Godmothers who were always there for me whenever I needed them, who personally looked after me, fed me, took care of me and even healed, helped me and gave friendly advice whenever I needed them. They had indeed become a part and parcel of my life. It felt as if they were sent to accompany me on my journey, to help me move forward and progress with ease.

Another message is for those who are being made Godmothers and Godfathers of the kids who hail from wealthy families. Guys, if someone is kind and generous enough to make you their kid's Godmother or Godfather, you too can be kind and gracious enough sometimes to become someone’s Godmother or Godfather who has nothing to offer you. Maybe to someone who is your household help and can only give blessings in return for your kindheartedness.

Do you remember Cinderellas’s godmother? Cinderella wouldn’t have been able to reach the ball at the palace without her fairy Godmother’s help. It was next to impossible with the clothes and the shoes she was wearing. She had unquestionably nothing to offer her Godmother, although she was a princess. All she could give in return was a heart full of gratitude. And again, her Godmother never expected anything from her. So, do “You” need someone else to wave a wand and create magic in your life ?? You are a magician and can always do it for you as and when the need arises. So for a change, why not do bibbidi-bobbidi -boo 🪄 💫✨ 💫 ✨ 🪄on someone who really needs it. Trust me, it will be tremendously soul-fulfilling😊

           Last but not least, dear newcomers, learn to stand up against any bullying, no matter how big the person bullying you in the industry is. You don't have to remain silent because you are a newcomer. Be vocal about it. Be honest. Be strong. Jeet hamesha sach ki hi hoti hain.( Truth always wins) never forget this 👍. May you always walk on the path of truth and light. May god be with you in every walk of your life. So keep walking…. Lots of love and light and take care!!

            A humble request to the judges choosing the finalists for the awards. The actors who have delivered a much better role than others, who are working hard on merit and are focussing on their artwork rather than awards deserve an award rather than the ones who you expect to butter you up and why because “You” favour them or are their fatherfigure. It has seriously become a norm in the entertainment industry to give awards to their favoured godchildren regardless of their performance. It's become a habit that even if nobody worthy of an award is nominated, their godchildren(even if undeserving) will be nominated and eventually get an award. If you feel no one has delivered a performance that is worthy of an award, do not give it to anyone !! As simple as that...Why give it to someone undeserving and unncessarily boost their ego and send them on the wrong path because you have the authority to do so. See if you are going to carry such a biased mindset, please step out of the judge's seat and let somebody with an unbiased mindset and who doesn't believe in favouritism choose the awards. We want to see someone deserving to get an award rather than someone garnering it to boost either their or your ego. I hope you get the message. Thank you!!

            A humble request to the entire Bollywood industry. Please use your wisdom and avoid yielding in front of such fake people and nonsensical scripts whose primary purpose is not to enlighten the public with meaningful, helpful and authentic information about the celebrities, their efforts taken to achieve success and their journey towards stardom but to have sheer fun by creating some baseless and unrealistic content about the celebrities only for their interests. Such people are knowingly spreading filth, and it's growing like a disease in society. Please, Please stop caving in front of such people who are misusing their power and position or are simply sitting to disrupt others' lives because their own life is scattered and disrupted🙏. Frankly speaking, with such fake people roaming in the Bollywood industry, let me tell you this today, the future of the new generation trying to establish themselves genuinely is not in safe and secure hands. Mark my words!!

         Guys….Bollywood is such a beautiful entertainment industry. You make our lives colourful and magical. You make us believe in the magic and the unexpected. Whenever I felt low, I watched a good comedy movie or sang a song, and that instantly helped me uplift my spirits. Whenever I was happy, I hummed a happy tune or hopped, jumped or danced to one of the foottapping songs. Whenever I needed good messages, I knew where to reach out!!! I bet millions like me must have hoped, jumped and danced to the tunes and even byhearted the dialogues(Yes, I had done that with Maine Pyaar Kia). I had watched it so…many times that I never had to memorize it. It automatically happened :). I was so mesmerized by the movie that I started seeing myself in Bhagyashree’s role. I remember persuading my mom to buy the same…dresses she had worn in the movie. I bought the blue and white polka-dotted skirt top that she wore in the “Tum Ladki Ho” song. Then I also got the pink one she wore in the “Mere rang mein ranganewali” song. I also bought the pink hair clip and every single accessory that went with that dress. I did the same hairstyles she did in the movie. I was in such a happy space when I did all these things😇. You have a massive impact on us, that we start imagining and living your life. Every single movie I have watched to date has significantly impacted me for the better. Can you see how much responsibility you have on your shoulders?? I was intending to chat with you for a while. I don't know if this article is the right place to talk about what I want to convey. But I felt there could be no better platform to talk about love and authenticity than here.

      A few years back, I mentioned how the Bollywood industry was fixated on entering the 100-crore club. I don't know why many were triggered. Understand if you are walking on the right path, there is no need for you to get triggered. That's how confident and sure you should be about what you are doing!!! But you will surely feel triggered if you mindlessly and cluelessly follow others because of a conditioned mindset or are unsure about what you are doing. Guys, enjoying the fruits after a hard-earned success is your right. My point is don't make movies to enter the 100-crore club. Don't be like, “Oh look, his or her movie entered the 100 crore club. I want my movie to enter the club too”. This is ego. So tell me, where does the intention to deliver something that will make you and the audience happy come into the picture? The goal should be to deliver a soul-satisfying performance rather than pampering your ego. I hope you get the message.

      Today, I see so… many are lost and are helplessly, cluelessly and aimlessly wandering into the void. They are either walking on the path of darkness or are living a fake life. Some walk and talk as if they own this world😕. As per my observation, many are not living an authentic life. Their whole existence looks so…fake. The problem is not with you; it’s with your field. See, when you portray a particular role, you connect yourself to that role, and you immerse yourself totally in that role. You basically become the character you are playing. Usually, when the director says cut, the actor stops acting. If the shot is okay, he/she takes a break. If the shot is not okay, he/she gives another shot. But I noticed that many out there continue to act in their real life as if they are still playing the character. As if they haven't heard the director say cut. There is a very thin line that separates their personal life from the professional. Sometimes, it becomes difficult for the actors to recognize that thin line. That's why their real lives look fake. It feels like they are still in a movie which is not real. Some people are knowingly trying to live a fake life. I seriously can't help them. You cannot wake up a person who is faking to be asleep. But then, some good people are unknowingly mixing their two lives. My message is for them. Please learn to recognize the line that separates your personal and professional life. Please learn to consciously hear the word “CUT” and then get back to the person who you indeed are. Learn to disconnect from the character you are playing. Find ways to give yourself a reality check which will remind you that you are no longer executing the role. You are just a simple human being performing the duties of an actor because you chose that profession. Choose your roles wisely. Read your scripts thoroughly. The scripts need to have good content. It should be relatable.

I understand it's always challenging to bring something different to the table. But then, while experimenting, please be vigilant not to sell your heart and soul for the sake of box office numbers or money. Just because someone is coming to you with a garbage script, you don't have to accept it readily only because you see your future self holding a Best Actor award; nope, don't be like that. Don't make movies to make your mind happy, no, not always. It should make your soul happy, too; that's the point.

           Today, I feel that there is a dearth of good writers in Bollywood. The first half clings to such nonsense scripts to attract attention, and the other half makes remakes. There are so many talented directors in our Bollywood, but they don't have a good script to direct. Please, please find good scriptwriters. For heaven's sake, stop…making remakes. Even if you are making them, include some plot twists. Use your creativity. Don't just reheat the product and serve that's already been baked. It feels stale😕. How would “You” feel if someone gave you stale food to eat?? Be creative, Be original. Be authentic. Learn different ways and means of grounding yourself. Especially for you guys, where the distractions are endless, the need for self-control becomes of utmost importance. Please learn empathy and learn how to be kind to each other. Learn how to be humble. If you think and know that Bollywood is a close-knit family, then act like one. Don't differentiate, misbehave, ill-treat, ridicule, mock, belittle, humiliate, saying, “We are family, and all these things happen in a family.” Before behaving in a particular way that might hurt others, ask yourself, Will you behave similarly with your actual family?? Don't compare your lives with others. You are neither a cat nor a dog to put yourself into a cat or dog race. YOU DO YOU. Concentrate on your path and believe in your efforts rather than meddling and interfering with others. Be good role models to the younger generation. Guide them towards light and sanity. Don't be self-proclaimed role models. Shape your lives in such a manner that people will automatically look up to you as one. Don't guide them on the wrong path. For that, you need to know if the path you are walking on is correct. Nobody is invincible, so please don't act like one. And somewhere, if you suddenly feel invincible, know that you haven't disconnected yourself from the reel world. Disconnect and see the difference. We all are humans trying to live a happy life. Never forget this golden rule- “At the end, You will always be judged by how you behaved and treated others when you had EVERYTHING and how you behaved and treated others when you had NOTHING.” Nothing is new to you. We all know what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to behave. We are all here to try. That's the least we can do:😊.

Remember!!!! You guys have a vast potential to bring a colossal metamorphosis into our lives through your artwork. A platform you have already landed on, a platform which you have already chosen—Our amazing Bollywood industry, and it is brimming with opportunities that will help you recognize and explore that potential to its fullest. Please use it wisely!!! Please concentrate on becoming a good, sensible and authentic human being first. Acting will happen and follow naturally:) What more can I say?? You guys are so understanding and mature 👍. I have put my heart and soul into making you see the light. Kindly take what resonates and leave the rest. Thanks so much for patiently listening to what I had to say. We all love you so much for being there. Lots of love and light to you always!!! 🙏🙏

Finally, I want to ask everybody straightforwardly who judged the female celebrity. Why wasn’t the host of the show or the scriptwriter trolled?? Why was only the female celebrity trolled? Because she is a woman, right? I have presented several reasons why she must have stated what she wasn't supposed to. But all you guys could do without giving it a second thought or understanding the reason behind her statement was lash out at her because she was not loyal to her boyfriend. So many empathized with her boyfriend without checking the facts and blamed her for the disloyalty. If he were a male celebrity and had acted or said what the female celebrity said, would people have trolled him similarly? Has anybody felt like reflecting on this thought?? Why has the mentality of most men nowadays become like khud Ravan ka roop hain Ram nahi phir bhie biwi Sita jaisi chahiye?? Kyun??

          See, the point is not to allow a woman to walk the same wrong path man has been walking. The point is, how is a ‘man‘ is being allowed to walk the wrong path by society? I have given two examples which show how the behaviour of a man was shoved under the carpet and why?? Because he was a Man! What is wrong is wrong!! How can the whole ideology of the society change just because the gender of the person changes? What is unethical for a woman should be unethical for a man too!! Our society needs to take care of this gender bias mentally. Women, too, need to stop jumping on the bandwagon.

A humble message to all the women out there. Please pause before you follow someone to check if the one you are following is not leading you into a deep pit from where returning will be impossible. Use your discernment before it is too late. Again, understand that as a woman, you need to feel safe not just at your home but also at your workplace. If you don't feel safe and secure where you work, it affects your emotional and physical health. Apparently, it takes a toll on either your personal or professional relationships or both. You deserve to be treated lovingly and appropriately by every single person you interact with. Set healthy boundaries and learn to listen to your intuition or gut feelings. Use your sixth sense. A woman is divinely gifted with this sense to protect herself and to keep unwanted people at bay. Please use it wisely!!!

Also, a humble message to the public. Please stop watching such stupid shows, and even if you are watching, stop reacting and unnecessarily blaming the person without knowing the details. Don't waste your precious energy gossiping about something completely unworthy. It's a sheer waste of time and energy. Be very careful about using your energy. Where attention goes, energy flows. Remember that always….Thank you so much!!

Point no 4: Now that we are talking about love let me present a different example of how people exhibit fake love. So, let's proceed. I see many couples who have completed 15 or 20 years of marriage clicking and posting pictures online. The pictures are beautifully captioned, showing how romantically involved they are. It feels so..nice to see their bond :) that, too, even after so…many years. But honestly, is it really that strong? See, I am speaking from my personal experience. In 2014, one of my Facebook friends used to post his and his wife’s pictures on Facebook. I think they must have completed 15 yrs of marriage back then. I always told him you both look so good together, and it feels so nice to see your bond so strong after all these years. Touch wood :). But today, I realized he posted the pictures because he desperately needed external validation from others to tell him how amazing they both looked in each other's company. After all, somewhere, his soul knew that he was not happy with his marriage. And I was right. How? Because he has completely fallen for me. I wasn't aware of this earlier, but today, I can tap into his emotions and feel his broken relationship with his wife because of my heightened senses. Of course, who will directly say to your face that they are having issues in their marital life? Dear one, My question to you is, where has the love for your wife disappeared that you used to show lovingly on Facebook? If you were so much in love with your wife, which showed in your pictures, why have you fallen for me? Please go back to your wife!! I am seriously not interested in you. I remember telling you to come on chat so many times. I really, really wanted to explain stuff. So let me help you remember how it all started. Somewhere in 2014, I forgot to wish you on your birthday. Your soul was hurt to such an extent that instead of understanding the reason behind the hurt, you egoistically left the birthday wishes near Mandar on my birthday. Even though you didn't wish me directly, my body language was like Oh… I forgot to wish him but he remembered my birthday. So next year I wished on yours. You again didn't wish on mine. All this was so…childish. See, if your soul felt my absence, there was a strong reason, and I had an answer to how you felt. This is what happens when your ego is in control. If you had a strong connection with your soul, you would have approached me, which you never did. You were happy to stay in your empty bubble, visualizing us together and me being in love with you because your soul sensed something, and you, without giving it a second thought, linked it with love. I told you so….many times through songs also to contact me. You completely ignored the hints. You assumed that I was calling because I desperately needed you, so you just sat having fun and silently observed how I was calling you to come on chat. You knew I was calling you. Still, you didn't approach.

Please understand I wasn't calling because I was in love with you. I was calling because it was painful to see you in deep pain. Why were you in pain? Because you were anticipating me to contact you, and I wasn't, despite you hinting about connecting with you. It was painful to see you longing and yearning for my love, painful to see a powerful obsession in your whole body language to make me yours, painful because I knew I wouldn't be able to reciprocate your feelings, painful to see you ruining your life and hindering your progress because you had been stuck in this love emotion for many years and were not able to move on and painful to observe you, knowingly or unknowingly drifting away from your wife. It was so easy for me to contact you, but God told me not to. He said if he felt the connection, let him come to you. This is his battle. Please don't fight it for him. I have told you this before and don't have a problem repeating it. You were sent to me only and only because you needed healing. Understand… nobody is sent to anybody without a reason. And the reason, in your case, was “Healing,” that's it. And that's what I did. I healed you through my singing and the songs I shared on Google Plus and Pinterest. The songs healed you to the core but also sent you deeper into a pit of expectations. A place where you desperately wanted and needed me more and forever to help you grow and thrive, which I had already done numerous times.

     Okay, so now that we are talking about the growth factor, let me point out another big issue that made me restless. First, Have you ever….felt the need to apologize for your weird behaviour or thank me for helping you grow and flourish in your life? Secondly, When the time of my growth arrived, did ‘You’ ever help? So let me again help you remember. I entered the world of Smule with an urge to learn something new and awaken one of the hidden talents that I was truly passionate about, that made my soul happy and it was “Singing.” Since you were an established singer, I was eager to learn from you and grow. I always wished, hoped and waited for you to help me improvise, guide and correct me whenever I made mistakes. That's how my body language was, “Craving for growth.” But “You,” with these feelings and emotions, could never help. Let alone help, it took two weeks for you to give a single ‘like’ on a collab of ours umm was it 🎶Chaha hai…Tuzhe Chahenge…Sason mein bas Jayenge🎶 or was it 🎶Ek din aap yun hum ko mil jayenge mein ne socha na tha🎶 I don't remember. What took you so…long to appreciate a song you liked and enjoyed listening to?? When I sincerely and promptly messaged you to appreciate your solos, you neither cared to appreciate openly and wholeheartedly nor helped me grow upwardly. Tell me, wasn’t this behaviour of yours selfish?? Let's say we both had been single, and I had selected you as my partner, our entire married life; you would have cared only about your progress and expected me to be there for you to acknowledge and appreciate you and that too wholeheartedly. Still, when my turn to get acknowledged and appreciated would have come, you would have conveniently excused yourself and made it look healthy and appropriate. Why and How didn't you notice anything wrong with how you behaved with me?? If you didn't notice anything wrong in your behaviour when we were pure friends, you wouldn't have cared even after we had been married.

There have always been reasons and excuses for not doing things and making the woman understand on her own why it was the way it was, and that's how a man has escaped every single time without anybody questioning him as to why you behaved this way!! That's how a man has managed to proceed with his unacceptable behaviour and will continue if nobody pinpoints it for good. We have watched movies like Abhimaan several times and have proudly preached the lesson of acknowledgment and appreciation of our partner’s abilities wholeheartedly without feeling jealous, uncomfortable or for any other XYZ reason best known to us. Honestly, tell me how many men nowadays follow it meticulously and wholeheartedly without any jealousy or prejudice. May it be a professional relationship at the office, a married one, or just a simple, friendly relationship between my Facebook friend and me. How many are genuinely eager to offer a helping hand openheartedly toward their female partner when she truly desires or deserves it for the right reasons?? Please reflect on this issue and try to understand what message I am trying to convey. It's a huge one, you see!!

Again, Riddle me this. How am I at fault if my friend or someone else falls for me because of my energy or the songs I shared on Pinterest? I only shared the songs because music healed me to the core, and it still does. Naturally, I thought, if it healed me, why can't it heal others? That's how pure my intention was and still is! My dear friend, just because I healed you through songs, unknowingly helped you grow, and guided you throughout your journey doesn't mean I love you. It was a sheer assumption from your end. So now that you have recognized your ego problem and have healed overall through my singing and the songs I shared, I request you to work on your ego and move on. Please understand it's incredibly unhealthy to stay stuck from one side in an assumed love relationship where the other is not interested. Lots of love, light and good wishes for your married life 🙏

              So the message I want to send is capturing your togetherness and captioning it to show how good your English is or how creative you are, doesn't mean you are in love. Respecting each other when no one is around, when you are in public, taking care of each other wholeheartedly, and not faking your relationship is the first sign of true love. There are also some couples who will not value each other or will be at loggerheads at home, but publicly, they will show that they cannot live without each other for a minute. I mean, this is so ridiculous!! And Why all these gimmicks? To attract attention because it gives them energy only because they are living a fake, dull and boring life. Kindly ruminate 🙏

Point number 5: There is another personal experience I would love to explain as to how a man assumes a love relationship. A few years back, I was guided by the divine to show someone that there was a connection of love, affection, and compassion between him and me. Now that he was following my Pinterest account, I was guided to show him through signs and songs that we were connected and were meant to be together as a couple. Do you know who that someone was?? That someone was not a friend, not an acquaintance, but a prominent personality, a famous person. I was scared to death….when I realized and understood what God was telling me to do. I was like, No…. God, I don't want to do it. Why would I do that?? Why would I show him that we were somehow connected and were destined to be together in a compassionate relationship?? Again, I am a married woman with a family, and he, too, has a family even though he is divorced. I was neither able to eat nor sleep. What God was making me do was indecipherable and beyond my understanding. It shook me to the core. It took me a couple of weeks to understand and gather enough courage to share the signs, and finally, I did it. It also took some time for him to understand the signs but he did realize that we were made for each other and were destined to be together in this life.  He waited for me to connect virtually, but I didn't contact him. All perplexed and lost, he waited a couple of years and then moved on with another partner. So now I would like to explain Why I didn't contact him. He honestly deserves to know. Dear one... Let me help you see what this was all about. Also, I will explain the issues I observed, which I genuinely feel you need to know.

Okay, to start with, Did I personally tell you that we had some fifth-dimensional relation? No..I don't think so!! You entirely assumed, right?? And why not? I sent signs your way. But did I specifically send you a sign that you are that person you thought you were?? Secondly, will you follow some xyz person just because that person is showing you some signs?? Didn't you ever feel the need to come and ask me what this was all about and why I was sending you such signals?? How could someone take such a huge risk with their own life?? This shows anyone can make you hop, jump and dance. Don't be like that!!! Always find out the facts and check what it is about before proceeding with a relationship. Be very careful who you are giving your heart to. It's your heart, right?? Because it's the only thing that keeps you alive and kicking.

Now, the clarification of why I sent signals your way. Please, Please understand you were sent to me not because we had a fifth-dimensional connection. You are not what you think you are. (You know what I mean.) Also, it was not because we were destined to be together. You were sent to me because “You had lessons to learn from me” and “To be healed.”

See, When I asked God the reason as to why the need for an unnecessary detour when I could directly guide him and help him heal, god showed me how it angered you to the core when I spoke about your mistakes. God made me see how showing a relationship between us was necessary; otherwise, he simply wouldn't have listened. Why would he?? He is a big person, and who was I to judge such a famous personality? Ya…because this is what is taught by our society. Who notices someone who doesn't hold a position in the society? Everybody likes to follow the rich, famous, intelligent, and somebody big enough to whom they can listen to, isn't it?? Do you understand what I am trying to say? Please understand... I didn't take advantage of your feelings. I, too, was upset and restless while fulfilling the job. I never wanted to do it, but God said, “Dear child, you volunteered to heal and help him.” And I was like, “God if he follows the signs, he will think we are somehow connected and fall in love. And if he falls in love, he will be in pain because I will never be able to reciprocate his feelings for me. I don't want him to suffer and be in pain”. God answered, “Child, he asked for it. His soul wanted to evolve. So allow it to happen”. And yes, God was right!! When I showed that we had a connection, you listened to me very carefully, like a good student. You learned how things have different perspectives and that others are allowed to have different opinions and ways of living and thinking than yours. You acknowledged, accepted and rectified your mistakes. You listened without holding any grudges or prejudices. Everything was going well, but somewhere, you got restless because you were in love and desperately wanted to meet me. Why didn't you contact me on chat then?? Rather than contacting me as a friend, you wanted “Me” to contact you as your fan. Did I ever tell you that I would be contacting or coming to meet you? Oh, I know the signs I gave you that I will contact you. Dear one, if I hadn't given you those signs, you would have landed at my doorstep, which was inappropriate and genuinely unnecessary. If you follow divine signs or your guardian angels' signs, it is fine. But how could you rely on someone you never met, talked to, or was a complete stranger?? Wasn't falling for me risky?? I mean, how much did you know me?? This is not how love works, man…

This aspect of hurriedly getting involved without knowing someone showed me you were so…hungered for love. Learn to love yourself first. For that, understand what self-love means. Wearing expensive perfumes and apparel or roaming in high-end cars is not what Self-love is all about. It's just a part of your want that makes your mind happy. The more substantial part of Self-Love is connected with your needs, which makes your soul happy. Learning self-love means understanding your soul's needs and keeping it happy. If you learn to love your soul first, you will never feel the need to cling to someone or rush to form a relationship without knowing and understanding whether it is true love or not.

Again, how come no one from your family and friends who supported and helped you in your journey pinpointed the risk of connecting with a stranger?? Nodding your head and supporting the concerned person in everything he does is not real help. This is not how help works!! Guiding and rectifying him if he is wrong is the right way to provide assistance. For that, they, too, need to be aware of what is right and what is not. Your family and friends couldn't provide real help because they, too, had yet to learn the same lessons you were supposed to learn.

       I often wondered and hoped that one day you would come on chat and ask me for the details. But you preferred to wait in pain rather than approach. Why was approaching that difficult? I mean, falling in love with a stranger wasn't weird, but approaching that person was awkward, right?? Was it because I was a nobody and You were rich and famous? Yeah.… waiting isn't funny, so now explain to me this. If we were meant to be together, instead of approaching me or understanding why I wasn't coming, you waited and expected “Me” to approach you and even blamed me for keeping you waiting. Wouldn't I have been waiting too, wondering why “You” weren't contacting me?? Again, you moved on with another partner. So what was I expected to do?? Continue to wait for your return. Your whole body language showed that my waiting was acceptable, tolerable, and totally unimportant. But “Your” waiting was more important, unacceptable and inappropriate than mine because you were a big person, and I was NOT.

It doesn't matter now that we aren't connected, but I wanted to pinpoint your ego problem. I always prayed to Almighty for your physical and emotional well-being. I prayed to God to protect you. I desperately prayed, “Please help him come out of the emotions which he has developed for me because of the signs I sent his way. Please help him move on with his life”. Because if something happens to him, his family and friends will blame me and hold me guilty for ruining his emotional health”. Because that's what society does. It blames the woman. Without a second thought, people would have accused me of seducing you and derailing you from your path. “I” would have been held guilty and responsible without understanding the reason behind it and without knowing that it was “You” who blindly followed the signs before checking the truth.

You see, I have always believed in two things. If God sends you to perform a task, he helps you with the task. And the second thing is if he pushes you to the edge, either he catches you or he teaches you to fly. My worries ended when I saw you move on with a new partner. I was thrilled to see you happy and at peace. My dear friend, the lessons you were supposed to learn from me and whatever messages I had to give you ends with this article. Please work on your ego problem and assumption problem. Stop assuming things in life. I have done my job of showing you where you need to work. The rest is up to you. It's up to you to take the medicine or stay stuck in a vicious circle of pain. Thank you for being such a good student. Thank you for listening intently. Thank you for allowing me to heal you. Thank you for helping me help you. I hope by now you have understood why I behaved the way I behaved. It was to help you become a better person. God knew you would follow the signs because you had yet to learn the lesson of assumption, and hence, this story was designed. Please don't hold any grudges or bad feelings about me. It's absolutely unhealthy to do so. For me, the whole process was painful, overwhelming, and unsettling, but it was also enlightening and soul-satisfying. Thank you for everything. It was a great pleasure to know you. I wish you and your partner long…years of togetherness. Lots of love, light, and happiness to you and your family. Take care !!

Today, what I did with that Smule guy(not my friend, but the one that threatened me through songs) was ignore him. But did ‘he’ learn not to make such hasty decisions or not to flirt with a woman? See, the woman will ignore or say no if someone approaches her with such flirtatious behaviour, but will it stop the man from flirting? No… He will go to someone else. So, rather than just telling the woman to ignore, helping the man see how unhealthy his whole behaviour is and making him understand will resolve the issue from its roots. I felt it was high time somebody addressed this issue, so I thought, why not me?? So rather than playing the victim card because I am a woman or blaming the man, I decided to delve deeper as to why a man feels the need to connect with someone else who is not his wife, and that's what I am doing!!

This brings me to the last question in the Intention section.

Third, Ask why do you want me?? Is it because you are feeling lonely?? Recently, I watched a video by health coach Shivangi Desai of Fit Bharat, where she highlighted loneliness as an important reason for heart problems in men. It was because they didn't express their emotions openheartedly. I thought, let me talk about this in detail. There are so many who get lonely once they cross the age of 40, especially men. They feel lost because somehow the love and romance from their marriage disappear, and their wives get busy with their kids. Their life starts getting dull and boring. So rather than finding solutions and rekindling their equation with their wives, men start exploring outside their marriage to make themselves happy. So what exactly do you go looking for?? Is it love?? Sex?? What?? Someone has also conveniently named it midlife crises to allow men an escape route or the permission to go looking for greener pastures. As per my observation, I can say that despite having everything(money, power, position, name) in their life, men feel ‘EMPTY’ after they reach 40. Why…. friends??

Let me share my personal experience with you. I had a male friend who was 40. He always shared his problems with me. My observation divulged that he was unhappy with his marriage and, hence, had a physical relationship with his colleague for a few years. The justification he gave was that he never was sexually satisfied with his wife. She used to ignore his sexual urges, and that left him disappointed and dissatisfied with his married life. He put all the blame on his wife for his broken marriage. So when he shared these details with me, I scolded him and made him see that it was absolutely inappropriate and unhealthy to have a relationship outside his marriage. I made him see how completely unfair his behaviour was towards his wife, who was unaware of his infidelity. He was ready to marry that colleague and let go of his wife. So, when his colleague, who was also married, disagreed, my friend returned to his broken marriage. His body language showed he was sorry for breaking his wife’s trust, and he did apologize near me, but was he sorry back then while having an unhealthy relationship outside his marriage? I demanded, “Please confess what you did near your wife and apologize to her. She rightfully deserves your apology”. I don't know if he did that. But tell me, in such cases, does a sorry suffice or resolve the problem?

I always used to put sense in his head and understood and empathized with his doings.

I very kindheartedly tackled him. It made him fall in love with my unconditional approach towards him. After a while, he started talking about his sex needs and expected me too to join in his sex talk, which I flatly denied. I tried to help by explaining how he could rekindle his relationship with his wife, but all was in vain. He was just not interested in his marriage. Ultimately, I had to let go of him because his presence in my life was disturbing my emotional state, and the relationship was not helping me grow. It was simply turning toxic. I had to use my boundaries, and that's what I did!!

This incident again sent me ruminating. How can love between a couple evaporate? What changes? See, when you arrive at some point in your life where you start getting a feeling of living a life minus the lustre and romance, start finding ways to reconnect with your wife. If you think your wife doesn't have time for you now that she is busy with your kids, help her with the household chores or with the kids. This will give her more time to be with you. You have to help each other. Again, if your wife is not able to satisfy your sexual needs, have you thought of conversing with her? Please understand most problems remain unresolved because of poor communication. According to me if there is no healthy emotional bond between the couple, sexual fulfillment issues pop up in the relationship. For a man, his sexual needs are a priority, but it's different for a woman. For her, emotional needs are primary, whereas physical needs are secondary. Much patience is needed to understand your wife’s love and body language.

Today, times have changed, and a woman has learned to be a giver. She, too, has become a breadwinner for her family, and that’s revolutionary, but the problem is, she has forgotten that she was basically a receiver in all aspects. There is no reason to feel inferior about this fact. That's how a woman is designed. But today, the question of receiving or wanting anything from either her husband or the society doesn't arise since she has become independent. Who needs it when we are capable enough to provide for ourselves?? Because of gender equality, it's not just the women who have forgotten to receive; it's also the men who have forgotten to give. If a man doesn't give his sperm to his wife, she won't conceive, and that's how nature works. Similarly, if he doesn't provide emotional love and affection to his wife first, she cannot understand his sexual needs. He needs to take care of her emotional needs first. It's her emotional state that decides if she is ready to enjoy physical intimacy with her husband lovingly and wholeheartedly. If she is emotionally unfulfilled, how will she satisfy your physical needs? And still, if you force sex upon her, initially, she will cave in since it’s her duty to satisfy her husband, but eventually, she will start feeling that she is being used just for your happiness. However, you are not bothered about her joy; thus, a chain of problems begins. To have a healthy and happy relationship, both need to know when to receive and when to give. Going out to another woman was more accessible for my friend than understanding the emotional needs of his wife. To do that, you need to make an effort. Who has that kind of time, right?😒.

Another thing I observed is that if a man likes a particular trait of a woman that his wife doesn't possess, he gets attracted to her and, at times, even falls for her. See, you will like some trait or the other in women that your wife doesn't possess. Does it allow you to go behind that woman just because you admired and loved that particular trait? Are you a small kid who sees a new toy at the store and throws tantrums that he doesn't have that toy and he wants it because he loved it?? You absolutely cannot buy him every new toy, can you??

Friends… If you chose your life partner, why can't you be with her till the end? Why does your attention go to some other woman?? Or why does the need arise even to flirt?? So here arises the need to ask you this question?? Why did you marry the one you truly loved?? What was the intention?? Was it because you were lonely? A relationship formed because you are lonely ends when your loneliness ends.

      Earlier Kings used to have both their legally wedded wives and Concubines. It was a seriously unhealthy, heartless and insensitive act towards their wives. Their wives had no say in their marriages and were absolutely treated with disrespect. There was no bond or love between the King and the Queen, hence the need for concubines. Most of the kings married only to have an heir to their kingdom. That was the status of their Queen!! Today, the times have changed, but a man’s conditioned mindset hasn't. He still wants to have both. A wife to show the society that they are legally married and a woman friend with whom he can have an extramarital affair. Oh yes, this word ‘Extramarital affair’. Friends, don't you think so? Nowadays, this word is easily and conveniently used when people gossip about others. Oh, look, XYZ is having an extramarital affair. Guys… it's so insensitive. I feel so…. bad when people finger-point and utter that word. Please understand the two people who are involved didn't come to that situation happily. They weren't happy with their married lives, so they sought another relationship. They were not in a correct state of mind. They were in so much pain. It's so inhumane to judge, laugh, mock, ridicule and gossip about someone who is in so much pain. It hurts terribly😞. So please refrain from uttering the word ‘affair.’ It somehow feels inappropriate.

Okay, so we will call it a relationship outside marriage. So, they will have a steady relationship outside their marriage and hide it from their family, especially their wives. On top of that, they will glorify it near their friends. They will be like, “No, no, it's just a passing affair, nothing serious, man, nothing that will harm my marriage.” What is this nonsense?? So what do you think your wife doesn't see it? Her soul sees everything. And there begins the end of the relationship. Because of what her soul saw, her body language unknowingly shows, and here the rift happens. He gives reasons to justify his infidelity, like how his wife has changed and he took the right step to walk out of this marriage emotionally. “See otherwise; also, she doesn't love me now. Look how she has changed”. But dear one, she saw your infidelity, and that's why the change in the behaviour. Please tell me how fair this is. You will behave as if you are entitled to have relationships outside your marriage, but if your wife ignores you or behaves differently, she is the reason for the rift in your relationship. Why?? So the point is if you have achieved everything in your life, like you married your lady love and earned lots of money, name, and fame, you should be at peace and feel contented because you now possess everything you desire and deserve. I mean, you earned it. You should be happy, right?? Still, how are you so empty and full of pain that you feel the need to go looking for love outside your marriage? I understand and empathize with you that you are in pain. Does it give you the right and freedom to have unhealthy relationships that are neither good for your emotional being nor your partner’s?? So rather than making hasty decisions and entering another relationship, you can always reflect on what went wrong with the relationship with your wife first. Have you ever considered rethinking that I might have made a wrong choice in choosing a partner?

So many out there never feel the need to reflect on their broken marriages. They either blame their spouses or move on, looking for a new relationship as if they were never wrong. It was all their spouse's mistake that their marriage was broken. Has anyone felt the need to reflect on the choices they might be making regardless of their marital status?? Whatever you have achieved to date has made your mind and body happy. Like money makes your mind happy and sex is a body need. Have you ever thought of making your soul happy? That's where the problem is. Nobody is interested in making their soul happy, hence the emptiness. People out there are comparing their lives with others. For example, If one person buys a ten-million-dollar house, another will feel jealous, and he too will make that his goal and start earning and saving money to achieve his goal. My question to you is, dear one, that was his need. Did you check if it was your need, too? Today, everybody is running behind their wants, but nobody is bothered to check their needs. Yes, food, clothing, and shelter are basic needs, but having true unconditional love and good, healthy relationships in your life are also needed. I don't know why, but many are taking it for granted. The consequence?? ‘Emptiness’ when you reach your middle age. Then they connect their ‘I am missing something’ in my life feeling with their marriage and go looking for love outside. But are they happy even after getting into another relationship? No…. Again, when the honeymoon phase is over, they are out of that relationship, too. Then, they start blaming either their partner or God or their destiny. Neither of them are at fault. It's your intention that is faulty. This is especially applicable to the people who remarry. It's been observed that second or third marriages topple down faster. The reason ‘intention’!! See if you are remarrying; please check the intention. Is it because you are feeling lonely, or you are looking for a shoulder to cry on, or you want to show someone or your spouse that you can easily find another partner, or you like someone, and that person is taking time to enter into your life and you don't want to wait and hence have clung to some relationship? Such relationships are not everlasting. Because once the shoulder is offered, once you are done playing the victim card or feeding your ego, the relationship is also done. Now go to a third person🙄. You are not just ruining your life. You are ruining your partner's life, too. Because the intention with which you have entered into a relationship is not because you love that person. It's only to boost your ego, that's it. So now, can you see where the problem lies? It's not in your partner!! The problem is in “You”. Because your whole life, you have been running after what you never needed but always wanted to prove to the world what you are capable of that might make your ego happy.

To make your next relationship last forever, you must first clear your conscience and see if it's not being formed egoistically out of resentment or hatred for someone else. Then, make exemplary efforts to recognize your partner’s soul needs and love language. For that, you need to cater to your soul's needs first. Recognizing your and your partner’s soul needs and then fulfilling them is the rightful solution to this problem. Keep your soul happy, and your ego will automatically leave your system. Make a shift in your thoughts and perspective and see how your life changes magically.

Okay, so let me summarize the points to consider when recognizing or finding true love. The first thing is to stop chasing the person you love, and then the second is to focus on yourself. The third is to check the intention of the person who claims to be in love with you.

Now, the fourth point to check is if he is ‘Persistent.’ So, how do you check his persistence? Friends, if a man shows through his body language that he loves you but flirts with somebody else, it is not true love. If he says he loves you, you should be his one and only. His whole attention needs to be on you and not on somebody else. If he stands on two stones to have everything, understand it is a red flag. He should be totally devoted to you and only you. You will automatically know through his body language😊. If his actions contradict his words, then he is a fake person. Check his actions. A man who approaches with fake love or a wrong intention simply cannot persist if a problem arises in your relationship. He gives up!! The one who truly loves you is not afraid to fight any storm coming his way. He is strong-headed yet soft-hearted and knows how to tackle the issues thrown his way. He will ‘Never give up’ or let you go and run away from you. This is a strong indication of recognizing true love.

The fifth point in recognizing true love is to check if the concerned person is Authentic, kind, considerate and understanding. True love is authentic and not fake and judgy. To explain this statement, let me present two examples of how people are unkind, inconsiderate, and judgy. A few years back, an elderly Bollywood male actor was accused of physically bullying his female co-worker. So many from Bollywood spoke against the Bollywood actor about his physical abuse, how nobody should tolerate such bullying and how the law needs to put a stopper on such disgraceful acts. Then…, a few years after this incident happened, a Bollywood superstar’s son was arrested because he was involved in a drug case. Many…spoke to show that they had a spine and that he was innocent because they knew him right from his childhood. They further added that God gives problems to his best soldiers and blah blah…Okay, so my question to everyone who opened their mouth to speak against the elder Bollywood celebrity in the bullying case but understood the star son only because they knew him. Why couldn't you understand the male celebrity like you understood the starson?

Now everyone will ask how can you understand a person you don't know, and that to when he was involved in a Me Too movement?? I totally agree, but then that's how your character gets judged, right?? Friends… when a person is kind, considerate and understanding, he doesn't use the above traits at his discretion. No matter who the person is, he uses it with everyone. It was unnecessary to judge a person when you didn't know the details. (like whatever happened between the elder male celebrity and the woman who got bullied by him). Whatever happened was asked by their soul. They had a message in it to learn. They chose that path. And here we are, blaming and judging them because that's what we are taught to do. If you don't know the details, what you are supposed to do is KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. You don't have to open your mouth to show that you have a spine. Instead, show you have a kind heart by being considerate and try to understand the concerned person regardless of whether you know him or not. Do you know what I did when these incidents happened? I prayed near Almighty. I prayed, “God, please help them get the message from the situation they are sent in. Please help them grow and let them find peace”. 🙏🙏

See, you can always call or message them and let them know that they are in your prayers. That’s how you can support them!! You don't have to tell the whole village that you are with them. Please understand, the point is not to keep quiet and tolerate injustice or take sides because someone is right and someone is not. It's about not knowing the facts and still talking and discussing as if it happened in front of us. It's so easy not to judge your family and friends because you know them. But it's challenging to understand someone whom you don't know. Don't unnecessarily gossip just because you have a topic to gossip on or start commenting just because you feel entitled to comment. Stop judging people you don't know or whose soul path you are unaware of. That's where your authenticity lies. My heartfelt thanks to all who didn't take sides in both cases. Thank you so much!!

Now, the sixth, final, and most important point to check is Patience.

Friends, whatever I have written in this article, Is it new to you? No, but somehow, it’s still been ignored or taken for granted. Nowadays, people are so busy that they don’t realize how vital a healthy relationship is. It was never a want. It was always a need to be recognized and fulfilled sensitively. But today, people have become so insensitive in all aspects. How will they identify their true needs? Identifying your true needs needs patience. It takes many years to understand what you need and want for yourself. It’s a long-term commitment to yourself. But nobody is bothered, and this is applicable, especially with men. As per my observation, men are not willing to wait anywhere. They want instant results like instant noodles. If somebody falls in love, the opposite person should reciprocate instantly. If you work in your office, you should get the rewards instantly; otherwise, you will find ways to grab them. I will give you a small example before discussing how patience can play a role in recognizing true love.

When I was in India, I went to one of my Uncle’s farmhouses in Neral(India). My aunt was cooking mutton curry. It was not cooked yet. A while later, my uncle started getting hyper and shouted, “I want to taste the mutton.” My aunt replied, “It's not cooked yet.” He yelled back at her, saying, “Let me decide that.” I was so upset by his behaviour. How rude, insensitive, and impatient can one be? Mama….I don't remember speaking like this, even with any of my household help when I was in India. And this is your wife you are talking to. Talk respectfully and sensitively. Anyways.

Now that we talk about how patience plays a role in choosing true love let's see how it does. As per my observation, men are tremendously impatient and their impatience can be divided into three sections.

First section: This is a section where some men silently fall in love with you. They will let you know through their body language, movie songs, different hints, quotes and whatnot. But they will never approach you personally because they either don't have the guts to approach you or are scared of rejection. And for whatever reason, if ‘You’ don't reciprocate, maybe because that person is simply not the one you desire and deserve, they will go in search of other women. Now tell me, in this scenario, how was the person in love with you in the first place if he was not even bothered to approach you for what he wanted? He was definitely not serious about you. Test his patience by making him wait, and you will realize if he genuinely loves you or if his love for you is fake.

Second section: This is where men pressurize the one they love. They will put forth the proposal and expect you to answer yes or no immediately. They will not see the time, place or situation. They won't give you any time to think. What the heck is this?? How can one be so impatient? Have you ever thought about this? Maybe she needs more time to think. Perhaps she likes someone else. Maybe she is just not ready to enter into a relationship right now. But no, who cares!!

Usually, this kind of pressurizing comes from someone who is successful and has ample money because, most of the time, they think that the woman they love will readily accept their proposal by looking at the money. Hence, they don't feel the need to waste their time persuading her to accept their proposal. A humble message to all such people - The first step to success is learning to be human. No matter If you are financially successful, a multimillionaire, intelligent or a famous person. If you haven't learned humanity, you are still a nobody!!

Please understand, when you put such kind of pressure, like tell me yes or no, the opposite cannot think properly. She finds it overwhelming. Some may say yes by looking at the money that man possesses, but some may refuse immediately. And even if she refuses, regardless of the money factor, that guy will leave her and go in search of another woman. Again, how is this true love? He is neither willing to wait for ‘You’ to get ready to enter into a relationship with him nor is he willing to gently make you see without hurting you that he truly loves you.

I have seen in many Bollywood movies where the hero marries the heroine and, on their first night, tells her(to show how he respects and loves her and how patient he is) that he won’t touch her until she is ready( she is obviously not and hence the statement from the hero). Seriously….I mean, what are you trying to prove? If you were genuinely patient, you wouldn’t have forced and pressurized her to get married when she was not ready to marry. What kind of patience is this?? Guys…understand that for a woman, her first night means a lot to her. That day, she doesn’t give her husband just her body. It’s everything for her. It’s her mind, her soul, her present, her future, her fears, her dreams, her aspirations, everything. She surrenders her entire essence to another person. So, it becomes holy and auspicious for her to give herself wholeheartedly. And if she is not happy or ready to do so on her first night, it shatters her dreams; it ruins her initial phase with her husband, a phase(honeymoon phase) where you are supposed to bond with each other on all levels for having a long-lasting future together. But a man will never understand all this if he marries her because it’s his body's need. It will never occur to him that he is not only ruining his first night, but he is ruining hers too, which she had dreamt about all along.

I know that waiting to have sex till your first night doesn’t fit the bill for today's generation, and I understand, but my message is to all those men who are marrying someone who has been waiting for her first night to enjoy physical intimacy with her husband. Please be patient enough not to get married in the first place if you feel she is not ready to have sex. What’s the point in ruining her first night only because you had insecurities, didn’t believe in your union or had no belief in yourself??

Third section: This is where men threaten you to yield in front of them. They will either emotionally blackmail you, create a scene, or, in the worst scenarios, they will throw acid on your face if you reject them. I have a beautiful example that I would love to share with you today. Years back, I watched R. Madhavan, Dia Mirza and Saif Ali Khan starrer Bollywood movie “Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein.” In the movie, the hero, A, falls in love with the heroine, B. However, B is engaged to C. Now, A desperately wants her to be his bride, so he commits the mistake of introducing himself as C because B hasn't met or seen her would-be husband for many years, who happens to be her childhood family friend. She spends time with A, thinking of him to be her would-be husband, and falls in love in just five days.

Now enters her real fiance. It shocks B to see someone else as her fiance. She gets angry with A because he lied and broke her trust.

Now A, instead of apologizing and repenting for his mistake, yells, shouts and screams to make her see how much he wants her because he loves her. Instead of humbly and kindly convincing her of his true love, he blabbers how he could have taken advantage of her in those five days if he wanted to, and even she could have yielded because she, too, loved him. She flares up and replies, “So that's your problem. You don't want me because you love me. It's because you couldn't do what you wanted to do and hence want me”. She slams the door on his face, saying that she no longer wants to see his face.

So, this is what I derived from the whole movie.

Point number 1: How can someone fall in love in just five days? Whether you have chosen your partner or your parents, have chosen him for you, befriending him was understandable. Falling in love, nope…

Point number 2: How could you go back to that boy at the end? The entire time, instead of persuading you gently and kindly without hurting you, all he did was scream, yell, shout and play a victim card as to how unfairly you were treating him. By giving you emotional pain, he proved he needed and wanted you, but anywhere…did you see that he loved you?

His whole body language was screaming to let you know that he just wanted to have sex when he showed his body restlessness and said, “I want you,” by getting all bossy. Please understand…One who shows you he wants you doesn't always mean he loves you. He just wants you for his selfish reasons, and that's it. The one who truly loves you will understand ‘Your’ needs and wants instead of his. He will not hurt you or emotionally blackmail you to accept his proposal this way.

Point number 3: How is this true love if you don't have the right kind of patience while apologizing? When you know you have committed a mistake, your body language should show humility and repentance for the mistake you have committed. If you are getting impatient only because you are scared to lose her, then you don't believe in yourself or your capabilities, hence the need to be rude, harsh and arrogant.

              Then there are Bollywood songs through which the male actor threatens his lady love to yield immediately whenever he apologizes. I mean, even if she takes time to forgive, you should have that kind of patience, right? Again, what kind of persuasion is this if you expect someone to forgive you instantly? As I said, forgiveness is earned. So show patience while you are earning it. You must be kind, humble, and patient if you want her to forgive. You are not persuading her if there is harshness and arrogancy in how you apologize. Don't be like, if you don't forgive quickly, I will go away, end my life or do something that will immediately make you forgive me.

Now, let's see how the persuasion happens when the female actor is apologetic. When she apologizes, you can notice her requesting, begging and pleading to show how sorry she is for the mistake she committed. She won't threaten. She will use all her strength to ask for forgiveness lovingly, kindly and humbly. Can you all see the difference in the apology? Of course, the main difference is the patience that's missing from the male actor's apology!!

         Then, the cases that happened to me, like ‘threatening to end his life.’ I seriously find this so….ridiculous. Why on earth would you do that or think that by threatening, she will come to you?? And even if she comes, Why do you want such a relationship where the person has entered your life out of fear and not love? If someone accepts your proposal out of fear, understand that the person is compromising her needs and wants for your happiness and in the long run, it's not a good decision if you want to live a healthy and happy life. Having it your way by forcing the other is not true love. Fear and love cannot coexist. Such relationships are not long-lasting and can severely damage your emotional and physical well-being.

         Again, we can see some extreme cases where a boy throws acid on a girl’s face to let her know if I don't get you, no one else should get you too. How is this love man? So inhumane. I repeat, if you are hurting someone and calling it ‘Love,’ it is not. It's called ‘Obsession’. Obsessions and unhealthy attachments are always toxic.

         So…what do you think? What is common among the three types of impatient people I mentioned above? The common point is they all were unwilling to take ‘efforts’ on their part. All were in such a hurry to seal the deal. Why is it so? How is this true love?? A person who truly loves someone will work hard for what he wants. He will neither hurt the person he loves nor find such shortcuts because true love is tremendously patient🙏

So, friends, what do you think? Will we be able to see a change in how a man perceives, or will he continue to fall prey to the conditioned mindset of society? My dear, beautiful, courageous women, now that you know what points to check before you choose your life partner, what will your job be while you wait for that special someone to turn into a new leaf if he tries to? Jannekeliye Padhaterahiye!! So stay tuned to understand the root cause of the problems mentioned above and their remedy.   (End of Part-1)